I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
