I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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