I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
