told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
