That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you had me at cake vodka
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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