Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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