my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
