He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
