He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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