I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
