Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
