I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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