I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize