I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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