like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
