Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
