She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
