we're blogging at a bar
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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