I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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