Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
