ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
