Who did Billy Mays play for?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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