just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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