It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
