I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My ATM looks so different sober.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
