Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
