Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
