This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize