I got chris browned last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
