Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
