I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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