Already got asked if we're dating
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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