theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize