Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
