are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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