I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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