Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
