We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
