I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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