tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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