I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize