I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
