cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
