And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's the barista slut.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
