I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
