My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
