all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
