Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
