I heard we made out
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
