two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
