I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
