Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
