On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
