Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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