I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize