Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
