he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
