But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
