i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
