A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
