I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
