Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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