Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
false alarm. still invincible.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
