everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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