It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
