It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
