If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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