I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
