Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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