Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
