she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
