Im at strip club and am horny
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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