I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
