I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
