Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
