There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
