seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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